Wondering what the “dirty” little secret to improving your social skills is?
It’s kind of strange, but I think I’ve figured it out. It’s improving what’s in your mind. See, what you think in your mind shows in your verbal and non-verbal cues when you’re communicating.
Think about it. Have you ever had a really crappy day at work? You finally get home and your roommate innocently asks you a simple question. Instead of answering them like a normal human being…you SNAP! You answer their question in a raised voice, making them feel silly for even asking how your day was.
How rude! (as they used to say on my fav TV show Full House). Oops, I just dated myself…
Anyways, why did you act this way? Your stressful day at work primed your brain into a frenzy. Since you didn’t mentally reset before you came home you brought that baggage with you.
You probably didn’t have the time to internalize any presence or positivity during your busy day so you ended up snapping even though your roommate did nothing wrong.
This is why I focus on tackling your inner-psychology before getting into the tactics of communication. What good does it do if you know how to start a conversation but people perceive you to be angry or standoffish? They won’t even want to talk to you in the first place!
Cultivating a mental balance will help you become a more composed and charismatic communicator. Remember, what you think in your mind is portrayed when you communicate (whether you realize it or not).
You may think this Zen and “presence” stuff is all foo-foo nonsense. I used to think that too.
It’s not. To be an effective communicator you have to cultivate presence and confidence…these are two things that you cannot fake. You have to be in the right mental state to portray this authentically.
If you can get the mental skills down, it will make the communication skills SO much easier to pickup and implement. That’s why I call the mental part the “dirty” little secret.
I want to share a recent post where I discuss:
- How to ignore your snap judgements and keep an open mind to new experiences and people
- How to reduce the stress you may feel if you’re not living to the “ideal” version of yourself
- How to cultivate an inner harmony without spending thousands on a shrink
When you’re done reading, comment below and let me know which principle you want to implement in your daily life.