Let me tell you a story about "Charismatic Casondra."
Strangers, my family members, and mutual friends tell my BFF Casondra everything.
Here’s how a typical conversation between me and Casondra goes:
Casondra: “Hey did you know Jackie is going through a nasty divorce?” or “Did you know your brother is dating a new girl?"
Me: “Umm. No I had no clue. That person hasn’t told me a word about any of that! Are you for real?!"
I won’t bore you with the rest of the gossipy details, but suffice to say that people weirdly and inherently just trust Casondra and she gets to know people on a very deep level. Even strangers!
The point is Casondra is charismatic. You know those people who are so damn charismatic that it almost bothers you to see them socialize? People love them, confide in them, and they always seem to get ahead in life.
While they're getting ahead, you're sitting there thinking "how the hell did they pull that off when they're not as smart/nice/good as I am?"
Well you don't have to wonder anymore. The deal is charisma is a skill that can be learned, adjusted and practiced. Scientific research has proven this time and time again.
So much so, that in a controlled lab experiment researchers can increase or decrease people’s charisma ratings based on telling them to do certain things. Crazy right!?
Here's the #1 way to instantly become more charismatic: be present.
See when you talk to Casondra, you feel like you’re the only person in the room. She listens attentively, she’d never look away, she’ll ask about you to make you feel important and you’ll feel like you’re sharing the same exact moment in time.
You may feel this way when you’re talking to a charismatic person perhaps a friend, your boss/CEO, or a time you’ve met a famous person. You may describe these people as having a "presence."
You can start cultivating this skill too.
Here’s how to get started:
Next time you have a conversation, rather than letting your mind run around about how the other person is judging you or what you’re going to make for dinner, focus on the conversation at hand.
Observe your own mind the next time you’re in a conversation and figure out if your mind was wandering or if you were listening attentively.
If your mind was wandering, draw your mind back to the conversation at hand. Focus on the words the other person is saying, listen to your breathing, take in the moment and hold the mental chatter.
Do this during your next conversation, regardless of who it is with. Take a mental pause and check-in to make sure you’re “in the moment.”
You may be thinking okay, this is some new age non-sense.
It's not. See, being present is an internal tool that directly affects your external body language and behavior. Your external behavior is how people perceive whether or not you're charismatic. That's why this skill is important.
So give it a shot and share your results in the comments below.
I know this isn't easy. That's why in the next post we will cover ways to shut your “mental chatter" up and transform negative self-talk. It will make being present much easier. For now, get started on observing your mind. Next, we’ll work on changing it.
Do you have someone in your life who is super charismatic? What's the #1 thing you notice about how they act? Comment below!