Are you one of those guys that my single girlfriends hate texting with? (Note: If you’re female you’ll still like this and will also benefit from the tips)
Let me tell you a story that I’ve heard many times over from single people trying to date.
A girlfriend of mine Kelly, meets a guy named Greg on an online dating site, they both “like” each other, message a bit and finally exchange numbers.
What happens next?
The same exact thing that just happened through the dating site, more messaging.
Texts, texts and more texts. Instead of getting to the point, this messaging exchange lasts days. They are talking about everything under the sun, except the most important thing… dating!
Greg thinks things are going well as the banter continues, but here’s what Kelly is really thinking:
- Why are we bantering about non-sense? Get to the point! We can talk about all this stuff….over a date. (I totally agree)
- Well I met him on a dating site so he probably has dates lined up all week with other girls. (mmmm, probably not)
- He’s not serious about dating or getting into a relationship. (not necessarily)
- What a loser. If he can’t ask me out, I don’t want to waste my time texting. (partially right. The sad part is he may be a really great guy, but she’ll never know).
While you may think that asking questions about how their day was or what they’re up to this weekend without inviting them to do anything is innocent, you’re actually frustrating the heck out of the other person!
Now let’s be clear, this is something both males and females get wrong and either of the sexes can step up to the plate and initiate a date.
For those of you who struggle with turning dialogue into dates and find that offline or online “matches” just fizzle by the wayside, I want to offer a few texting tips you can use to increase the odds of a response and a date!
Tip #1: Stop being lazy and stand out
Perhaps you don’t put in a lot of thought or energy into how you communicate. This could be because you’re unsure of how to communicate, you don’t have a lot of dating experience or you just don’t think it’s important.
Please don’t take the easy way out. Of course it’s easy to start a text conversation by saying “hey” and then waiting for a response. But is that really the way you want to portray yourself?
Of course not! The way you communicate is important, when you’re texting the words you use are the only chance you have to show who you are and it makes a huge difference in the way you’re perceived.
When you’re texting, the only mode of communication you really have are your words so choose them wisely. It’s easy to say “hey wassup” or if they ask how you’re doing you may say “fine, u?”
But what do people who stand out do?
They use language that elicits emotions.
The other day I hopped in an Uber. I asked the driver how he was doing and he emphatically said “Glorious!” that got a smile out of me even though I was in a hurry to get to work.
Using colorful language is a great way to stand out and also show that you’re putting some effort into the exchange. Compare these two text invitations for a date on Saturday night:
“Hey Kelly, wanna grab dinner tomorrow at this great Thai restaurant?”
“Hi Kelly! Wanna grab dinner at this amazing Thai restaurant tomorrow? Their food is superb, I know you like spicy and their food will knock your socks off.”
Do you see how the second text used fun words like “amazing” and “superb” along with a metaphor “the spice will knock your socks off” that gave it some color?
The second text brings some imagination and fun into an otherwise boring conversation and increases your odds of a response. So don’t be lazy, the next few tips will help you come up with texts that are thoughtful and interesting.